• Fashion is about what you wear. Style is about how you live your life. ~Ralph Lauren

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

pause


I've not had much I wanted to blog about lately.  Mostly because I've been taking a thoughtful pause in life.  It's been good for me. 
 
 A few weeks ago, I was in a twist over some things that really bothered me with people and my state of being.  Details of those things aren't really that important to put here but I will say that I was angry.   I don't enjoy being angry.  It's poison.  To some degree it was good that I've reached the anger stage.  But still, I don't enjoy anger.  I was angry that I was angry.  Even worse. 
 
I unloaded on a very wise friend.  She shared with me a loving-kindness meditation exercise to try (that shit ain't easy, folks).  I modified my facebook settings so I could ignore unpleasant things.  I've spent time alone thinking.  I've enjoyed the simple and happy things that are in my life.  And since then, I realized I only have a few choices when it comes to this type of anger.  I can address it.  I can ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist.  Or I can feel it and try to understand the reasons and then let it go. 
 
I've been trying to do the latter.  It's hard but I feel like I've made some progress.  This weekend I realized I'm not quite as angry as I was.  Oh, it still flares up, make no mistake.  BUT, I've found myself trying to focus on me.  on the sun shining (when it does around here), on the wonderful interactions I have with random people.  on the belly laughter that erupts every day while I'm sitting at my desk at work.    on the hope that someone may just find me amazing one day.  on a really good song playing loudly in the car.  on a moment with someone in a bar.  on a really great cup of coffee.  on a run.  on  smiling over absolutely nothing. and mostly, on figuring out that I may just be amazing right now, in spite of everything else that seems so imperfect in my life at this moment.
 
Happy Tuesday!

Monday, April 21, 2014

warmth

Easter came and went.   It was a bummer of a day.  I did get to be outside for most of it.   Here's to a more festive one next year though.

In spite of everything there are so many things to feel happy about...

this little guy. 

Nap time with this beast.

And warm days that require my sunroof to be open with a big beautiful sky.
 
It's the little moments that remind me of the goodness all around me. 
 
Happy Monday!

Friday, April 18, 2014

Hoppin Good Time

I'm laying low these days.  Work.  Do stuff.  Sleep.  Repeat.  I'm focusing on happy things.  

With that I've been bringing the happy things into work with me.   

My office is festive.  A group of ladies that are always down for a celebration.  This week was no exception.  On Tuesday we celebrated an award that someone received so we brought in some snacks.  I tried out this chocolate covered strawberry (to look like carrots) situation.  The chocolate I used wasn't so good.  But you get the point...

Then Wednesday we celebrated our students for Student Staff Appreciation Day.  I contributed these carrot veggie things.  (Crescent rolls with veggie cream cheese)  I don't like cream cheese so I didn't taste them but they turned out pretty cute.  (MUCH better than the strawberries).


I brought in a guessing game of how many bunny tails were in the jar for the week on my desk.   Today the winner received the jar and a Dunkin Donuts gift card.  The winner guessed EXACTLY how many were in there.   Impressive.

And these are the treats for all my coworkers.  Little ice cream cones filled with candy.  They turned out pretty cute!
 
Whew.  It's been a festive and busy week in the office.  I'm looking forward to going home and relaxing.  No plans tonight and no real Easter plans either.  I'm going to dye eggs and do something fun.  I was thinking of how fun it would be to have an Easter basket again.  Or make one for someone else.  I don't really remember ever getting too many Easter baskets in my life so I'm always a little envious of the families that do fun things like that.  And Easter egg hunts.  I really like those. 
 
IF I got one this year...I'd want this to be in it (a new anchor Alex and Ani bracelet that I currently love)  And my Nike watch.  And maybe some new running socks.  hahaha.    And coffee gift cards.  Okay, Okay, and a chocolate bunny (just because it's rude not to have that)  Now that would be one FUN Easter basket, huh?
 
 
I'm going to try to find an Easter dress now...maybe I'll go to church.  With a big hat....and gloves.  And then get Chinese food.  :)
 
Haha!  Happy Easter weekend to all that celebrate!  Enjoy!  xoxo

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Ah, Yes. This.

Have we discussed my fondness for Jimmy Fallon? Well, let's.
 
 
I decided that happiness (these days) is watching the previous nights Tonight Show whilst getting ready for work in the morning.  I laugh.  A LOT.
 
Hilarious.  

 

And then yesterday it hit me.  I want to go see the Tonight Show for my birthday this year.  It's filmed in NYC so...perfect.  I looked up tickets but you can't reserve that far in advance but trust me...I'll be stalking tickets as soon as the calendar rolls around to October.  Who knows where I'll be living then--but I can assure you that I will give my best effort to get there around D9. 

Maybe DMB will be the musical performer that day. 

A girl can dream...

Happy Wednesday!

Monday, April 7, 2014

Unplugged

This weekend was super boring.  Like SUPER boring.  When I wasn't working I was at home.  I cleaned my house on Friday night.  And got stuff that I have wanted to do, done.  Not much to blog about really.  But I got that list from my last post all sorts of crossed out.  With my physical space in order, I spent time relaxing and thinking about life.
 
I had an epiphany. 
 
 
I need to limit my social media.  For real.   I don't need need to feel tense when I open FB or Insta.  Those should be fun, right?   But more often than not I see something that I don't want to see.  I realize how connected we all are.  There are several groups that I'm a part of that use FB as the primary source of contact.  And there are people that I want to connect with on there.  So I don't want to swear it off completely.  I don't want to delete my accounts.  There are good things that I do want to see. (pictures of my friend completing a half marathon, kids that I love, news stories, updates on Syracuse basketball, etc)
But I want to resolve to only use it for specific purposes.  I don't want to open it just because I'm bored.  I don't want to post anything unless it's positive or has a purpose.  By being more purposeful in my usage, I hope to eliminate the chances of seeing things that I don't need to see. 
 
And life will go on without me updating about stupid stuff too.  :) 
 
 

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Truth

Do you ever think about the kind of person you want to be?  I don't mean that in terms of character (that's a whole different post).  I'm talking about how you get through the mechanics of your life...how you structure your time and day to be able to be the most functional, efficient human being you can be?

I think about it.  On. The. Daily. 

Here's what I'd like to see:
  • gets up in the morning and runs or gets a good work out in
  • has time to make myself pretty and have a very pulled together outfit on (complete with good hair, nails and shoes)
  • heads to work with a cup of coffee and kills it in the office
  • continues to kill it in a part time job or whatever social thing is on my calendar
  • come home and make sure everything is set for the next day...dishes done, clothes picked up, things are in order
  • have a little time to relax a little (read, do nails, watch Jimmy Fallon, etc)
  • get good sleep
Yeah, that sounds great.  And I almost, kind of do these things.  But recently I've felt it's more like this:
  • get up and check the weather, see how much more I can sleep before I would miss my window of running and getting to work on time. 
  • depending on how much I left myself snooze before my run--do my very best at making it look like I'm not a frazzled mess.  Do I REALLY need to wash my hair?  What outfit makes it look like I tried?
  • rush to get a coffee QUICK before I am exactly on time for work and roll in and wish that it was 4:30 because I'm tired and I have a million things to do at home.
  • head to the part time job and do my very best at making it look like I'm engaged in helping customers or head to whatever social thing I have and hope that people don't think I'm a raggedy mess.
  • come home and immediately put on my jams and get into bed and fall asleep without doing anything remotely productive or relaxing.
And then there are some days that I KILL it and feel like I have my shit together.  Those are few and far between.  I get things done.  To the naked eye I may appear that I'm pulled together.  In reality though...it's an illusion.  I'm constantly thinking about the things I need to be doing and spending the time I have just trying to take care of the bare minimum.  When do I have time to do laundry, or go grocery shopping or finish making a blanket for Tyler?  Let's be serious, I do a lot of really fun things.  I'm lucky in that regard.  But sometimes, like now, I really want order and structure.  I crave organization like some people crave peanut butter.  I want to be the girl that can make it look effortless.  "Oh, it's your birthday...don't worry I got your card in the mail 3 days ago"   I want to be able to be efficient AND productive...while looking fantastic.  Is that too much for a girl to ask? 

This morning I got dressed to run.  I walked outside.  The air was lovely and perfect for the 4 miles I had planned.  But instead of just going I went back inside and got back in my bed and fell asleep until 7:45...woke up and RUSHED to get myself together and get to work by 8:30.  All the while, cursing myself out.  Ugh. 

That got me to thinking...you can't change anything until you change something.  SO fueled by my gas station coffee (haha...puns happen) I sat down at my desk and decided to get back to basics.  I'm spending the morning making a list of ALL the stuff I need to do to make me feel more in control of my days. 

I know that no one has it all together.  We all struggle to make our time count.  However, I need to make some changes in my schedule so that I'm not running on empty all the time.  There aren't going to be new hours magically inserted into my day.  I'm going to have to make a plan and figure out how I can make things more orderly in my life.  The list is entitled:  Get Your Shit Together, Green! 
 
And, that, my friends,  is my truth today.