Here I Go Again on My Own

Well, well, well.  Here I am.  I'm gonna try this gig again. 

I post a lot of instagram and that's all well and good, but I want to write stuff too.   And I have a lot of things to say.  

Life is good.  I have a new job that I love.  I have a happy, little boring single girl life.   That I can't wait to share with you (or probably just with myself)!

xoxo

Hello...from the other side.

It's 2016. 

So much has changed since I last posted.  I will NOT attempt to catch up on anything that has happened since then. 

You're Welcome.

But I think I'm going to come back to the blog world.  Soon-ish.   I have some ideas.

And I'm a whole different girl.

Leaves

Hello out there...

It's been an incredibly busy few months.  The summer wasn't the best.  But it wasn't the worst either.  There was a lot of transition in my life.  New life challenges thrown at me.  A new job, the end of another doomed relationship, questions about the whereabouts of my career, my relationships and what the heck I'm actually doing with my life.  I woke up every day and tried my best to just do the best I could do each day...

Then one day, I realized the season was changing.  It was becoming Fall.  The colors were brought back into the world.  Literally and metaphorically.  Something in me changed too.  Something in me brightened again.  

I even started running again. 

And with each passing day of this fall, I feel better and better.   Sometimes as I'm driving or walking around town,  I watch the trees let go of the leaves that were a part of them fall to the ground and how pretty they look scattered about.   It's messy but so beautiful.  

The trees preparing themselves for another winter and eventually the spring bloom.  And just like those trees, I'm shedding the past season of my life and making way for the new one.  I've let go of my "leaves" and am watching them make my world bright and beautiful.

I know winter is coming and there may still be hard stuff I need to face, but I also know there is always a spring after winter.

All because of the Fall.
 

 

Trying

No, I haven't forgotten the ol' Lipgloss Lounge...

I just haven't been feeling like writing what's really on my mind these days.  It wouldn't be pretty.  The last month has been like a punch in the face.  But I'm still here trying to make sense of things.  Once again.  Lots of changes have occurred lately-- new job, new situations, new feelings...

I will post again.  Hopefully soon. 

But for now, I'm going to let myself mourn the sad things, reconcile the uncertainty, and keep trying. 

Show Time

This weekend was good and busy. 

Whew. 

On Friday night I had a date with Dave Matthews Band in Saratoga.  I haven't seen them in two years so I was super excited to be back at it.  There is something about a DMB show that makes me feel so calm and carefree.  I want to bottle up that feeling forever. 

Michelle and I enjoying the concert.

And because I have to keep a record of the setlists (he played a lot of songs I really wanted to hear--yay!)

A Whiter Shade of Pale
Two Step
Stolen Away on 55th & 3rd
What Would You Say
I'll Back You Up
Tripping Billies
Sugar Man
Stay (Wasting Time)
Don't Drink the Water
American Baby
#27
Belly Belly Nice
Lie in Our Graves
Rooftop
So Much to Say
Anyone Seen the Bridge
Too Much
Proudest Monkey
Warehouse
#41
Granny
Grey Street

Encore:
The Space Between
All Along the Watchtower

On Saturday night I went to a very different kind of show.  This one was the dance recital of three of my very favorite little girls.  My heart was full watching them dance.  And after the show I got the three of them together for a picture.  This is probably one of the most accurate personality demonstrating pictures ever. 



Little Eliza had such a stage presence.  She was so expressive and wonderful to watch.  She's a magical little girl.

And Emma.  Oh, Emma!  She is something else.  She was running around taking pictures with my phone and being adorable.  I love how miserable she looks in this picture but it was smiles all around otherwise.  She's hilarious. 

 

Besides these fun things I worked and spent some time with a new friend.  I'm learning a lot about myself right now and looking forward to the future.  And enjoying the moments along the way.  June is off to a good start!

Blessings

I've mentioned what a great month May is already.  It's been filled with love and good friends.  Old and new. 

And this weekend was a good example of that.  On Sunday we celebrated little Tyler's baptism.  (Note:  I've been dreading this event for awhile because of the dynamics between me and a person from my past.  However, on the morning of it I realized that it no longer mattered about the beef between me and that person.  I only cared about Tyler and being really present in that moment with him.  And that's exactly what happened. )

It was a lovely day!

Before a baptism, you should always take a selfie to send to your friend that isn't there. duh.

Sweet little Emma and Sofia.  I can't even.  These girls are wonderful!

Tyler giving me the eyes as he awaits the baptism.

Isabel, Tyler and some lovely friends

Tyler's grandparents

I love this picture of us.  I never print pictures but I want this one in a frame in my house.  I am so thankful I met Isabel and have gotten to be a part of her children's lives.  It makes my heart full.  And when I ever doubt some of the life choices I've made in the last few years, I am reminded that if I hadn't made some of those unfortunate choices--I wouldn't have met some of the people that I treasure in my life  now. 

The incredible cake.  It was beautiful and tasty.

And every once in awhile a picture is taken that captures a true moment.  I was pretty damn happy in this moment.  It was a great afternoon!  And I may be slightly biased but Tyler is the cutest!

After the baptism fun was over, I went to a BBQ for a bit to see some friends.  Here is a great picture of Sabrina and Shawn.  So cute!


On Memorial Day I hung out in the sun and relaxed with friends.  It was a nice day!

It was a great weekend filled with some of my favorite people!  I feel very thankful for every one of them! 

Next Time

I stumbled upon this as I was wasting a little time in the pinterest today.  And hello.  It's like this was written for me. 

Can I get an Amen?

Happy Wednesday!

Yay for May!

Well, as you  might have guessed, I've taken a little hiatus from blogging.  My last post caused a little drama in my life.  BUT it was exactly the drama I needed to end a very ugly chapter of my life for good!   I am very thankful for my very good friends Angie and Sabrina.  They've seen me through the last two years as I've struggled with a bad situation and little do they know, they were the ones that finally closed the door to the past for me.    That was on May 1st. 

And ever since then, May has been pretty great.  I've had the kind of days that I smile all day long for no reason.  I'm laughing even more than usual.  I'm excited to wake up in the morning.  I love my friends.   I feel great even though my life is pure chaos.  I'll catch you up a little...

Got to hang out with my work wife outside of work.  She's the best part of going to work.  I get to sit next to her and laugh all day.  I swore I wouldn't make any friends at this job, but damn it.  I did.

 

My Dad and I had a lunch date one random Sunday.  It was so fun to spend time with him.  I adore that he participates in  these selfies.

Tyler is officially the cutest boy in my life.  Went to his follow up appointment with Isabel.  The little guy is doing great and SO handsome!

Got to spend time with the woman that has spent the last 10 years mothering me.  We worked together every day for 8 years.   So now we have to plan for special nights to get together to catch up.  She has been through some really important stuff in my life with me and I'm always thankful to have her to talk to because she keeps it real.  Mother style.

Watched some of my favorite college students graduate this past weekend.  Ashley is my favorite BBW associate.  She just gets me.   I will miss her when she leaves.  I don't even want to think about it...

Celebrated Jessica's 30th birthday this weekend. 

 

It's been a good month.  I'm looking forward to what's to come...

pause

I've not had much I wanted to blog about lately.  Mostly because I've been taking a thoughtful pause in life.  It's been good for me. 

 

 A few weeks ago, I was in a twist over some things that really bothered me with people and my state of being.  Details of those things aren't really that important to put here but I will say that I was angry.   I don't enjoy being angry.  It's poison.  To some degree it was good that I've reached the anger stage.  But still, I don't enjoy anger.  I was angry that I was angry.  Even worse. 

 

I unloaded on a very wise friend.  She shared with me a loving-kindness meditation exercise to try (that shit ain't easy, folks).  I modified my facebook settings so I could ignore unpleasant things.  I've spent time alone thinking.  I've enjoyed the simple and happy things that are in my life.  And since then, I realized I only have a few choices when it comes to this type of anger.  I can address it.  I can ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist.  Or I can feel it and try to understand the reasons and then let it go. 

 

I've been trying to do the latter.  It's hard but I feel like I've made some progress.  This weekend I realized I'm not quite as angry as I was.  Oh, it still flares up, make no mistake.  BUT, I've found myself trying to focus on me.  on the sun shining (when it does around here), on the wonderful interactions I have with random people.  on the belly laughter that erupts every day while I'm sitting at my desk at work.    on the hope that someone may just find me amazing one day.  on a really good song playing loudly in the car.  on a moment with someone in a bar.  on a really great cup of coffee.  on a run.  on  smiling over absolutely nothing. and mostly, on figuring out that I may just be amazing right now, in spite of everything else that seems so imperfect in my life at this moment.

 

Happy Tuesday!

warmth

Easter came and went.   It was a bummer of a day.  I did get to be outside for most of it.   Here's to a more festive one next year though.

In spite of everything there are so many things to feel happy about...

this little guy. 

Nap time with this beast.

And warm days that require my sunroof to be open with a big beautiful sky.

 

It's the little moments that remind me of the goodness all around me. 

 

Happy Monday!