Truth

Do you ever think about the kind of person you want to be?  I don't mean that in terms of character (that's a whole different post).  I'm talking about how you get through the mechanics of your life...how you structure your time and day to be able to be the most functional, efficient human being you can be?

I think about it.  On. The. Daily. 

Here's what I'd like to see:

• gets up in the morning and runs or gets a good work out in
• has time to make myself pretty and have a very pulled together outfit on (complete with good hair, nails and shoes)
• heads to work with a cup of coffee and kills it in the office
• continues to kill it in a part time job or whatever social thing is on my calendar
• come home and make sure everything is set for the next day...dishes done, clothes picked up, things are in order
• have a little time to relax a little (read, do nails, watch Jimmy Fallon, etc)
• get good sleep

Yeah, that sounds great.  And I almost, kind of do these things.  But recently I've felt it's more like this:

• get up and check the weather, see how much more I can sleep before I would miss my window of running and getting to work on time. 
• depending on how much I left myself snooze before my run--do my very best at making it look like I'm not a frazzled mess.  Do I REALLY need to wash my hair?  What outfit makes it look like I tried?
• rush to get a coffee QUICK before I am exactly on time for work and roll in and wish that it was 4:30 because I'm tired and I have a million things to do at home.
• head to the part time job and do my very best at making it look like I'm engaged in helping customers or head to whatever social thing I have and hope that people don't think I'm a raggedy mess.
• come home and immediately put on my jams and get into bed and fall asleep without doing anything remotely productive or relaxing.

And then there are some days that I KILL it and feel like I have my shit together.  Those are few and far between.  I get things done.  To the naked eye I may appear that I'm pulled together.  In reality though...it's an illusion.  I'm constantly thinking about the things I need to be doing and spending the time I have just trying to take care of the bare minimum.  When do I have time to do laundry, or go grocery shopping or finish making a blanket for Tyler?  Let's be serious, I do a lot of really fun things.  I'm lucky in that regard.  But sometimes, like now, I really want order and structure.  I crave organization like some people crave peanut butter.  I want to be the girl that can make it look effortless.  "Oh, it's your birthday...don't worry I got your card in the mail 3 days ago"   I want to be able to be efficient AND productive...while looking fantastic.  Is that too much for a girl to ask? 

This morning I got dressed to run.  I walked outside.  The air was lovely and perfect for the 4 miles I had planned.  But instead of just going I went back inside and got back in my bed and fell asleep until 7:45...woke up and RUSHED to get myself together and get to work by 8:30.  All the while, cursing myself out.  Ugh. 

That got me to thinking...you can't change anything until you change something.  SO fueled by my gas station coffee (haha...puns happen) I sat down at my desk and decided to get back to basics.  I'm spending the morning making a list of ALL the stuff I need to do to make me feel more in control of my days. 

I know that no one has it all together.  We all struggle to make our time count.  However, I need to make some changes in my schedule so that I'm not running on empty all the time.  There aren't going to be new hours magically inserted into my day.  I'm going to have to make a plan and figure out how I can make things more orderly in my life.  The list is entitled:  Get Your Shit Together, Green! 

 

And, that, my friends,  is my truth today.