It's funny how you can hear things throughout your life and never make meaning of them until it's time for it to MEAN something to you.
I had that moment last night.
I was watching Alice in Wonderland (the Johnny Depp version) because I realized that I had NEVER seen any version of it in my childhood (what?!?). To be fair, with my name being Allison, I got A LOT of "Allison in Wonderland" references in my youth--it was annoying. But I never had any interest in reading it or watching it. I always assumed it was just a silly story of a girl that fell in a rabbit hole and saw a lot of nonsense things. When my office decided to dress up as the characters for Halloween, I sheepishly admitted that I had no idea what the story was or who the characters were so one of my colleagues loaned me the DVD so I could have an idea. I didn't even bother watching it before Halloween. But last night I decided I should watch it (so I could return it to her)
Let's just say that I couldn't have watched it at a perfect time in my life.
Metaphorically speaking I've fallen into the rabbit hole in the last few years. I've lost my muchness. Or I never had it to begin with. That's not being negative--it's introspection. There have been a lot of characters that have come and gone in my life. There have been a lot of changes. I often think about life 4 years ago and I felt like I was muchier back then. But was I? I'm not sure...but whatever muchness is...I want to be muchier. Maybe again. Maybe finally.
And just like Alice, I'm trying to figure out which road to take. But where do I want to go? What do I want? What are my goals? And just like her...I don't know. So it really doesn't matter which road I take until I know where I want to go. So simple. So cliche. So true.
And the one quote that stuck with me the most is this one. Maybe this journey of life is supposed to make us all a little mad so that we can do the things we need to do--the vision to live the life we want and not the one that we think we're "supposed" to have.
Maybe this "madness" is the road I need to be on to help me find my "muchness".
Or maybe I've read entirely too much into a story...and I've gone bonkers. But then again...all the best people are. ha ha!