Leaves

Hello out there...

It's been an incredibly busy few months.  The summer wasn't the best.  But it wasn't the worst either.  There was a lot of transition in my life.  New life challenges thrown at me.  A new job, the end of another doomed relationship, questions about the whereabouts of my career, my relationships and what the heck I'm actually doing with my life.  I woke up every day and tried my best to just do the best I could do each day...

Then one day, I realized the season was changing.  It was becoming Fall.  The colors were brought back into the world.  Literally and metaphorically.  Something in me changed too.  Something in me brightened again.  

I even started running again. 

And with each passing day of this fall, I feel better and better.   Sometimes as I'm driving or walking around town,  I watch the trees let go of the leaves that were a part of them fall to the ground and how pretty they look scattered about.   It's messy but so beautiful.  

The trees preparing themselves for another winter and eventually the spring bloom.  And just like those trees, I'm shedding the past season of my life and making way for the new one.  I've let go of my "leaves" and am watching them make my world bright and beautiful.

I know winter is coming and there may still be hard stuff I need to face, but I also know there is always a spring after winter.

All because of the Fall.
 

 

Trying

No, I haven't forgotten the ol' Lipgloss Lounge...

I just haven't been feeling like writing what's really on my mind these days.  It wouldn't be pretty.  The last month has been like a punch in the face.  But I'm still here trying to make sense of things.  Once again.  Lots of changes have occurred lately-- new job, new situations, new feelings...

I will post again.  Hopefully soon. 

But for now, I'm going to let myself mourn the sad things, reconcile the uncertainty, and keep trying. 

Show Time

This weekend was good and busy. 

Whew. 

On Friday night I had a date with Dave Matthews Band in Saratoga.  I haven't seen them in two years so I was super excited to be back at it.  There is something about a DMB show that makes me feel so calm and carefree.  I want to bottle up that feeling forever. 

Michelle and I enjoying the concert.

And because I have to keep a record of the setlists (he played a lot of songs I really wanted to hear--yay!)

A Whiter Shade of Pale
Two Step
Stolen Away on 55th & 3rd
What Would You Say
I'll Back You Up
Tripping Billies
Sugar Man
Stay (Wasting Time)
Don't Drink the Water
American Baby
#27
Belly Belly Nice
Lie in Our Graves
Rooftop
So Much to Say
Anyone Seen the Bridge
Too Much
Proudest Monkey
Warehouse
#41
Granny
Grey Street

Encore:
The Space Between
All Along the Watchtower

On Saturday night I went to a very different kind of show.  This one was the dance recital of three of my very favorite little girls.  My heart was full watching them dance.  And after the show I got the three of them together for a picture.  This is probably one of the most accurate personality demonstrating pictures ever. 



Little Eliza had such a stage presence.  She was so expressive and wonderful to watch.  She's a magical little girl.

And Emma.  Oh, Emma!  She is something else.  She was running around taking pictures with my phone and being adorable.  I love how miserable she looks in this picture but it was smiles all around otherwise.  She's hilarious. 

 

Besides these fun things I worked and spent some time with a new friend.  I'm learning a lot about myself right now and looking forward to the future.  And enjoying the moments along the way.  June is off to a good start!

Blessings

I've mentioned what a great month May is already.  It's been filled with love and good friends.  Old and new. 

And this weekend was a good example of that.  On Sunday we celebrated little Tyler's baptism.  (Note:  I've been dreading this event for awhile because of the dynamics between me and a person from my past.  However, on the morning of it I realized that it no longer mattered about the beef between me and that person.  I only cared about Tyler and being really present in that moment with him.  And that's exactly what happened. )

It was a lovely day!

Before a baptism, you should always take a selfie to send to your friend that isn't there. duh.

Sweet little Emma and Sofia.  I can't even.  These girls are wonderful!

Tyler giving me the eyes as he awaits the baptism.

Isabel, Tyler and some lovely friends

Tyler's grandparents

I love this picture of us.  I never print pictures but I want this one in a frame in my house.  I am so thankful I met Isabel and have gotten to be a part of her children's lives.  It makes my heart full.  And when I ever doubt some of the life choices I've made in the last few years, I am reminded that if I hadn't made some of those unfortunate choices--I wouldn't have met some of the people that I treasure in my life  now. 

The incredible cake.  It was beautiful and tasty.

And every once in awhile a picture is taken that captures a true moment.  I was pretty damn happy in this moment.  It was a great afternoon!  And I may be slightly biased but Tyler is the cutest!

After the baptism fun was over, I went to a BBQ for a bit to see some friends.  Here is a great picture of Sabrina and Shawn.  So cute!


On Memorial Day I hung out in the sun and relaxed with friends.  It was a nice day!

It was a great weekend filled with some of my favorite people!  I feel very thankful for every one of them! 

Next Time

I stumbled upon this as I was wasting a little time in the pinterest today.  And hello.  It's like this was written for me. 

Can I get an Amen?

Happy Wednesday!

Yay for May!

Well, as you  might have guessed, I've taken a little hiatus from blogging.  My last post caused a little drama in my life.  BUT it was exactly the drama I needed to end a very ugly chapter of my life for good!   I am very thankful for my very good friends Angie and Sabrina.  They've seen me through the last two years as I've struggled with a bad situation and little do they know, they were the ones that finally closed the door to the past for me.    That was on May 1st. 

And ever since then, May has been pretty great.  I've had the kind of days that I smile all day long for no reason.  I'm laughing even more than usual.  I'm excited to wake up in the morning.  I love my friends.   I feel great even though my life is pure chaos.  I'll catch you up a little...

Got to hang out with my work wife outside of work.  She's the best part of going to work.  I get to sit next to her and laugh all day.  I swore I wouldn't make any friends at this job, but damn it.  I did.

 

My Dad and I had a lunch date one random Sunday.  It was so fun to spend time with him.  I adore that he participates in  these selfies.

Tyler is officially the cutest boy in my life.  Went to his follow up appointment with Isabel.  The little guy is doing great and SO handsome!

Got to spend time with the woman that has spent the last 10 years mothering me.  We worked together every day for 8 years.   So now we have to plan for special nights to get together to catch up.  She has been through some really important stuff in my life with me and I'm always thankful to have her to talk to because she keeps it real.  Mother style.

Watched some of my favorite college students graduate this past weekend.  Ashley is my favorite BBW associate.  She just gets me.   I will miss her when she leaves.  I don't even want to think about it...

Celebrated Jessica's 30th birthday this weekend. 

 

It's been a good month.  I'm looking forward to what's to come...

pause

I've not had much I wanted to blog about lately.  Mostly because I've been taking a thoughtful pause in life.  It's been good for me. 

 

 A few weeks ago, I was in a twist over some things that really bothered me with people and my state of being.  Details of those things aren't really that important to put here but I will say that I was angry.   I don't enjoy being angry.  It's poison.  To some degree it was good that I've reached the anger stage.  But still, I don't enjoy anger.  I was angry that I was angry.  Even worse. 

 

I unloaded on a very wise friend.  She shared with me a loving-kindness meditation exercise to try (that shit ain't easy, folks).  I modified my facebook settings so I could ignore unpleasant things.  I've spent time alone thinking.  I've enjoyed the simple and happy things that are in my life.  And since then, I realized I only have a few choices when it comes to this type of anger.  I can address it.  I can ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist.  Or I can feel it and try to understand the reasons and then let it go. 

 

I've been trying to do the latter.  It's hard but I feel like I've made some progress.  This weekend I realized I'm not quite as angry as I was.  Oh, it still flares up, make no mistake.  BUT, I've found myself trying to focus on me.  on the sun shining (when it does around here), on the wonderful interactions I have with random people.  on the belly laughter that erupts every day while I'm sitting at my desk at work.    on the hope that someone may just find me amazing one day.  on a really good song playing loudly in the car.  on a moment with someone in a bar.  on a really great cup of coffee.  on a run.  on  smiling over absolutely nothing. and mostly, on figuring out that I may just be amazing right now, in spite of everything else that seems so imperfect in my life at this moment.

 

Happy Tuesday!

warmth

Easter came and went.   It was a bummer of a day.  I did get to be outside for most of it.   Here's to a more festive one next year though.

In spite of everything there are so many things to feel happy about...

this little guy. 

Nap time with this beast.

And warm days that require my sunroof to be open with a big beautiful sky.

 

It's the little moments that remind me of the goodness all around me. 

 

Happy Monday!

Hoppin Good Time

I'm laying low these days.  Work.  Do stuff.  Sleep.  Repeat.  I'm focusing on happy things.  

With that I've been bringing the happy things into work with me.   

My office is festive.  A group of ladies that are always down for a celebration.  This week was no exception.  On Tuesday we celebrated an award that someone received so we brought in some snacks.  I tried out this chocolate covered strawberry (to look like carrots) situation.  The chocolate I used wasn't so good.  But you get the point...

Then Wednesday we celebrated our students for Student Staff Appreciation Day.  I contributed these carrot veggie things.  (Crescent rolls with veggie cream cheese)  I don't like cream cheese so I didn't taste them but they turned out pretty cute.  (MUCH better than the strawberries).

I brought in a guessing game of how many bunny tails were in the jar for the week on my desk.   Today the winner received the jar and a Dunkin Donuts gift card.  The winner guessed EXACTLY how many were in there.   Impressive.

And these are the treats for all my coworkers.  Little ice cream cones filled with candy.  They turned out pretty cute!

 

Whew.  It's been a festive and busy week in the office.  I'm looking forward to going home and relaxing.  No plans tonight and no real Easter plans either.  I'm going to dye eggs and do something fun.  I was thinking of how fun it would be to have an Easter basket again.  Or make one for someone else.  I don't really remember ever getting too many Easter baskets in my life so I'm always a little envious of the families that do fun things like that.  And Easter egg hunts.  I really like those. 

 

IF I got one this year...I'd want this to be in it (a new anchor Alex and Ani bracelet that I currently love)  And my Nike watch.  And maybe some new running socks.  hahaha.    And coffee gift cards.  Okay, Okay, and a chocolate bunny (just because it's rude not to have that)  Now that would be one FUN Easter basket, huh?

 

 

I'm going to try to find an Easter dress now...maybe I'll go to church.  With a big hat....and gloves.  And then get Chinese food.  :)

 

Haha!  Happy Easter weekend to all that celebrate!  Enjoy!  xoxo

Ah, Yes. This.

Have we discussed my fondness for Jimmy Fallon? Well, let's.

 

 

I decided that happiness (these days) is watching the previous nights Tonight Show whilst getting ready for work in the morning.  I laugh.  A LOT.

 

Hilarious.  



 

And then yesterday it hit me.  I want to go see the Tonight Show for my birthday this year.  It's filmed in NYC so...perfect.  I looked up tickets but you can't reserve that far in advance but trust me...I'll be stalking tickets as soon as the calendar rolls around to October.  Who knows where I'll be living then--but I can assure you that I will give my best effort to get there around D9. 

Maybe DMB will be the musical performer that day. 

A girl can dream...

Happy Wednesday!

Unplugged

This weekend was super boring.  Like SUPER boring.  When I wasn't working I was at home.  I cleaned my house on Friday night.  And got stuff that I have wanted to do, done.  Not much to blog about really.  But I got that list from my last post all sorts of crossed out.  With my physical space in order, I spent time relaxing and thinking about life.

 

I had an epiphany. 

 

 

I need to limit my social media.  For real.   I don't need need to feel tense when I open FB or Insta.  Those should be fun, right?   But more often than not I see something that I don't want to see.  I realize how connected we all are.  There are several groups that I'm a part of that use FB as the primary source of contact.  And there are people that I want to connect with on there.  So I don't want to swear it off completely.  I don't want to delete my accounts.  There are good things that I do want to see. (pictures of my friend completing a half marathon, kids that I love, news stories, updates on Syracuse basketball, etc)

But I want to resolve to only use it for specific purposes.  I don't want to open it just because I'm bored.  I don't want to post anything unless it's positive or has a purpose.  By being more purposeful in my usage, I hope to eliminate the chances of seeing things that I don't need to see. 

 

And life will go on without me updating about stupid stuff too.  :) 

 

 

Truth

Do you ever think about the kind of person you want to be?  I don't mean that in terms of character (that's a whole different post).  I'm talking about how you get through the mechanics of your life...how you structure your time and day to be able to be the most functional, efficient human being you can be?

I think about it.  On. The. Daily. 

Here's what I'd like to see:

• gets up in the morning and runs or gets a good work out in
• has time to make myself pretty and have a very pulled together outfit on (complete with good hair, nails and shoes)
• heads to work with a cup of coffee and kills it in the office
• continues to kill it in a part time job or whatever social thing is on my calendar
• come home and make sure everything is set for the next day...dishes done, clothes picked up, things are in order
• have a little time to relax a little (read, do nails, watch Jimmy Fallon, etc)
• get good sleep

Yeah, that sounds great.  And I almost, kind of do these things.  But recently I've felt it's more like this:

• get up and check the weather, see how much more I can sleep before I would miss my window of running and getting to work on time. 
• depending on how much I left myself snooze before my run--do my very best at making it look like I'm not a frazzled mess.  Do I REALLY need to wash my hair?  What outfit makes it look like I tried?
• rush to get a coffee QUICK before I am exactly on time for work and roll in and wish that it was 4:30 because I'm tired and I have a million things to do at home.
• head to the part time job and do my very best at making it look like I'm engaged in helping customers or head to whatever social thing I have and hope that people don't think I'm a raggedy mess.
• come home and immediately put on my jams and get into bed and fall asleep without doing anything remotely productive or relaxing.

And then there are some days that I KILL it and feel like I have my shit together.  Those are few and far between.  I get things done.  To the naked eye I may appear that I'm pulled together.  In reality though...it's an illusion.  I'm constantly thinking about the things I need to be doing and spending the time I have just trying to take care of the bare minimum.  When do I have time to do laundry, or go grocery shopping or finish making a blanket for Tyler?  Let's be serious, I do a lot of really fun things.  I'm lucky in that regard.  But sometimes, like now, I really want order and structure.  I crave organization like some people crave peanut butter.  I want to be the girl that can make it look effortless.  "Oh, it's your birthday...don't worry I got your card in the mail 3 days ago"   I want to be able to be efficient AND productive...while looking fantastic.  Is that too much for a girl to ask? 

This morning I got dressed to run.  I walked outside.  The air was lovely and perfect for the 4 miles I had planned.  But instead of just going I went back inside and got back in my bed and fell asleep until 7:45...woke up and RUSHED to get myself together and get to work by 8:30.  All the while, cursing myself out.  Ugh. 

That got me to thinking...you can't change anything until you change something.  SO fueled by my gas station coffee (haha...puns happen) I sat down at my desk and decided to get back to basics.  I'm spending the morning making a list of ALL the stuff I need to do to make me feel more in control of my days. 

I know that no one has it all together.  We all struggle to make our time count.  However, I need to make some changes in my schedule so that I'm not running on empty all the time.  There aren't going to be new hours magically inserted into my day.  I'm going to have to make a plan and figure out how I can make things more orderly in my life.  The list is entitled:  Get Your Shit Together, Green! 

 

And, that, my friends,  is my truth today. 

Currently...

...obsessing over getting a watch for running.  I've been looking at the different options but I keep coming back to this one.  Nike+ GPS Sportwatch. 

I wish I could run right out and buy it.  sigh.  Can I make a "I want to be a real runner" gift registry"? My life is too expensive.  hee hee. 

 

Happy Thursday! 

Madness

It's my favorite day of the year!  The Madness is here! 

I'm coordinating the office pool so I've been busy getting my co-workers picks entered into our group on line.  I've completed three brackets on ESPN.

Since I can't resist an excuse for a theme, I decorated my desk.

complete with plastic basketball eggs, swags,  a pom pom...

And ORANGES with fun things written on them. 

And what thing in my life would be complete without an outfit to coordinate? 

One of my "secret" dreams is to coordinate game day apparel choices.  I think there is a wide market of women that are looking for ways to show their sporty spirit in a professional manner.  Without the obligatory t-shirt and jeans, that is.  I just have to figure out how I can make this a reality.  I'd love to style people up for their favorite teams on game days.  The possibilities are endless. 

 

Happy March Madness...Let's Go Orange!

The Day O Green

St. Patrick's Day is probably one of my most favorite days of the year.  Green is everywhere and there is a hint of spring in the air.  And and it's an excuse to drink beer in the daylight hours.  I know people think it's silly but I just like it. And let's face it...I love an excuse to be themed for a day. 

Prior the the green festivities, I got to have some good relaxation time.  I ran 4 miles on Saturday morning---I really like this program my Nike app has me doing.  I ran alone.  Outside.  It was wonderful.  I'm actually starting to really enjoy the run as it's happening and not just after it's done. 

On Sunday I went to yoga and had coffee with my friend, Isabel.  It was such a nice way to spend a morning. Yoga was hard but great.  We actually met on St. Patrick's Day two years ago so it was cool to hang out to commemorate that.  We are makeup less in this picture but whatever.  Gotta remember the little moments in life.

I ran errands all afternoon and then met up with some other friends for drinks.  These ladies are just so great  and fun to be around.   A good way to end my lovely Sunday off. 

I went home to get prepared for the green festivities that were happening in my office.  I made these shamrock chips out of spinach wraps. 

I made these pots of gold for my Bath and Body ladies.

And for my office co workers I made these cards with a pocket hand sanitizer that says lucky to work with you. 

My office is really fun so we had a little contest to see who could be the most spirited st. Patrick's outfit.  Of COURSE, I meant business so I busted out the boa and the big green bow. 

Here is some of our office staff showing our spirit. 

We also had a green potluck in the office.  Everyone brought something green in to eat.  It was so fun and so yummy!

And then I won a shamrock plant for being the most spirited green person!  Ha.  My supervisor and I are competitive so I took this picture for her just to rub it in.  We truly have so much fun in our office and I love that we do these theme days. 

After work, I headed out for a drink with a few girls I work with.  It was a fun time.  Sometimes I worry that I lead the most boring life ever.  But I guess I pretty much have fun no matter what I'm doing.  Life is good. Happy Tuesday!